I’ve been a newlywed for exactly one week, and I have learned exactly one thing: The idea that marriage changes everything is kind of a myth.
Sure, you’re now legally bound to each other, but your partnership remains largely unchanged. Your conflict-resolution strategies are the same. Your communication patterns are the same. Your general outlook on life is the same.
To optimize for a great partnership, though, all of those things need to evolve in the long-term.
After asking Profile readers to share their best marriage advice, I’ve learned another very important thing: If you stop investing in yourself, your bad habits and poor communication will chip away at your relationship — whether you’re married or not.
“If you do nothing to make things get better in your marriage but do not do anything wrong, the marriage will still tend to get worse over time,” psychologist John Gottman says. “To maintain a balanced emotional ecology, you need to make an effort—think about your spouse during the day, think about how to make a good thing even better, and act.”
Thanks to the 100+ people who weighed in, I have crowdsourced the ultimate guide to successful relationships below.